The Dark

The dark is safe

It is quiet

No one can see me

I can sit in my quiet pain with no shame

My chest hurts

Weight pressing down on my heart

I can’t breathe properly

Fast, tight, heavy

What is happening to me

I can’t feel anything but everything

I can’t feel one thing but all things

All I see is darkness

Pain

Screaming

There is screaming in my head but I can’t bring myself to scream

I want to disappear

My eyes hurt

My head hurts

My mouth is dry

I don’t want to move

I am so afraid

Feelings, can they kill you?

I want the feelings to wash over me so I know nothing but them

It is the only way I feel relief

But

I can’t

The hot tears are welling up behind my eyes

I don’t know why I want to cry, for everything and nothing

For me and for no one

For all the suffering I put in that black box in my chest

I still can’t cry

I want to

I can feel the pressure and I want to release it but I don’t know how

Just someone tell me how please it’s unbearable

I just want to be free I don’t know who you are or what this is but I just want to die

Everything is black

Everything hurts

No one can save me

I am damaged

I will never work

I just need to get through

I just need to let it sit inside me

The dark

Until it has had its fill of me

Just take me, do what you want with me, I don’t want to fight you anymore.

 

© toomanyfeelings

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2 thoughts on “The Dark

  1. yes, dear one, fight no more!!! fighting depletes, fighting drains. darkness is nourishing, same as nourishing night. in the core of all there is nothingness of darkness dancing around in the emptiness of nothingness, fertile ground to giving birth endless possibilities. In the darkness womb of emptiness there lie your shine and sparkle. Simply relax into that nothingness, you are safe, you are protected, and you are loved. You are the whole universe and the universe is you. Feel the hot tears that is the essence of your kidney water and heart fire, allow it to come out of you, freely flow down your cheeks, feeling its warmth, tasting its saltiness,…..

    Liked by 1 person

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